Xander

Xander(Zan-Der) was born 11 Months ago today. 6lbs 5oz 21&1/2inches long. One month early and strong as could be! At this time 11 Months ago I was being wheeled into the hospital nursery to see my baby boy, for the first time while he was in the incubator. I can't believe how much love I have for such a little person that I have only known for 11 amazing, rough, fun, long yet short months! Since my little boy is 11 months old today I thought I would do a post about him! 

• He loves MY singing.(crazy) He will stop doing whatever he is doing when I start singing and he will dance, just for me. 
• His first word was Daadaa, then Bahhht(bath), and Duhhht(duck)
• If we leave the bathroom door open, that is where we will find him. He will either be playing on the floor with his out-of-control duck collection or he will climb into the bath and yell 'bahhht, bahhht, bahhht'. 
• He loves Ryan's bearded dragon, Rex. Throughout the day, Xander will crawl into the front room, from whichever room he is playing in, tap Rex's glass and stare at him for a few minutes then go back to whichever room he was in and resume playing. 
• He LOVES music. When we are in the car and music isn't playing he will do a high pitched scream until we turn on the music. When we are at home and the stereo is on he will turn up the volume and stand up and dance. If a song he doesn't like comes on he will hit all of the buttons until he changes the song. 
• He will watch any cartoon you put on, for hours. I never wanted to be one of those moms who lets TV babysit, but when I'm sick, My life saver is putting on The Lorax and sitting on the couch and watching it with him. 
• He sleeps in the most outrageous positions  They never look comfortable. 
• He also can't sleep under a blanket, he has to sleep on top of it and on his stomach. Most of the time his butt is in the air. 
• When we go outside and it's cold he will say "burr, burr, burr" until we get him into the car, or building. 
• He has THE WORST gag reflex. If you put something in his mouth that he doesn't like he will gag until he throws up so we have to be EXTRA careful about what we give him when we go out to eat! 
• He can not sit in a grocery store cart normally...EVER! He always pulls one leg up out and turns facing forward while his other leg and butt hangs out of that leg hole! 
• He loves walking, even though he cant walk on his own just yet. If he can hold our hands he will walk everywhere. 
• When he is excited about something he shakes his legs! 
• He has only been sick twice. Once on his first trip to Texas :( and once with an ear infection. 
• His bed time is at 8p and he has been sleeping from 8p and waking up at 7a-9a every night since he was born! The first month he was home we would have to wake up to an alarm during the night to feed him. 
• He loves fruits and vegetables! He especially loves lemons! 
• He is so so talkative! He loves to talk, and if you're not listening to him he will grab your cheeks and force you to stare at him while he is talking.
• He learned how to climb out of his crib. Scariest moment in my life when I walked into his room to see his leg and half his body heading over the edge of his crib! 

We get asked, HOW we get him to behave so well! It scares me that people think we "train him" (for lack of better word) . We don't punish him, we don't yell or put him on time out. He is -on his own-a well behaved, good listening, happy baby. 

Xander has been such an amazing blessing to our family and so much fun to watch how fast he learns and grows! Next month he will be 1! We are so so excited to celebrate his first birthday with him! 

I am blessed.

Being so sick and down in the dumps has made me feel 

incredibly lucky and blessed. 

I'm blessed by the men in my life. 

I've watched more-than-a-few girls go through bad relationships

with men- I've been one of those girls, believe me. 

I could probably top a few lists with the jerks I've dated. 

But, I have always had 

these guys(not pictured- Grandpa Gene(RIP), Grandpa Owen, my Uncles, and my brothers.)---->

<---To keep me in line. 

That might sound a little funny to you. 

Some of you might be thinking, 

they're the strict men who sit out on the front porch 

with a shotgun ready to kill any jerk who hurt me, 

but Guess what- they're not. 

I mean, I'm sure they would be if they 

had even met half of the guys I dated, but they didn't. 

No, these guys kept me in line by being amazing men that I look up to. 

That I respect, and that I love. 

I wanted to make them proud

 and find a man just as amazing as them. 

 Then have a son to raise to be like them.

Because of that, these men,

 are the reason most of my relationships ended in failure. 

These men, are the reason half of the guys I dated didn't make it past two dates. 

Every time that I went on a date, at the end of it I would ask myself, "would I be okay with my dad or my grandfathers meeting him?" 

If it was a no, there wasn't another date. 

If it was a maybe, there would probably be a second date, but wouldn't go past that. 

If it was a yes, then it would last for awhile....and then end in a complete mess. 

Except for one particular man, 

This guy!---->

As most all of you know I met Ryan when I was 15,

11 months before he left on a Mission to Brazil for our church. 

We dated, we got to know each other, we fell in love. 

Then he broke up with me, he told me to 'date other guys' and 'enjoy high school'. 

LET ME TELL YOU- I was PISSED at him. 

I never cried, however. I was upset, I wanted my life to end 

just like any normal break-up would be but the tears would 

never come. 

Now I think it was because I knew deep down we were going 

to end up together.

 I knew he was the man for me, 

and I knew I wanted to be the woman for him.

Two and a half years later we were dating again. (yep, we didn't get back together 

the second he came home- I had to play hard to get at some point ;) )   

 7 months later we were married. 

A year (and a month) later we got this--->

  8months, of this crap, later--->

we met this cute little boy --->

Now, it has been 10 months and almost 5 days of having a rapid growing baby. 

And the little guy, who we fell so madly in love with, now looks like this--->

Scary, right. 

My baby boy has been one of the most amazing adventures

I have ever been blessed with. 

Before I gave birth to Xander, I knew just how many kids I was 

going to have. I knew there names- Xander, Ryley, Ryker, Oaklee, and 

that I would have boy, girl, boy, girl. 

I knew I wouldn't have a baby until 5 years after Ryan and I got married. 

Little did we know that there was a different plans for us. 

Now, I am blessed to know that plans don't always happen the way you expect. 

That four kids might not work out, but one healthy boy is an amazing blessing. 

I know that after all of the hard times, 

the illnesses, the 'down' days, the exciting days, 

the completely perfect days, the fun days,

the unbelievably horrible days, that I am blessed.

I am blessed to be alive. 

To be as healthy as I am- I know I could have it so much worse.

I am blessed to have amazing men in my life. 

To be able to get the chance to raise a son. 

To have a great family who will always have each others backs. 

To be so close to everyone in my family, and my husbands family. 

To be married into a loving and amazing family.

I am blessed to get to spend every day at home taking care of 

these two guys ---> 

. 

So, to the men in my life, thank you. 

Thank you for allowing me to be blessed, 

to be loved, and to be happy. 

Thank you for helping me see who was right, 

and who was not-so-right. 

Thank you for always having my back. 

Thank you for taking care of the women in your lives, 

for loving them in just-the-perfect ways to show me 

what LOVE is all about. 

Thank you for teaching me and helping me grow. 

Thank you for being incredible examples of what 

I want my son to be like.

Thank you for being the men in my life. 

I cannot begin to tell you all how much I love 

each and every one of you. 

Before you judge, here are the facts.

Around here(I'm sure in other places also.) people are quick to judge. They think that they DO know everything about every one and they think that they can talk badly to others about that person and it not get back to them. BUT, it does. It hurts, and it doesn't help anyone, it will just cause more problems. 

My little family has been having a lot of problems with this lately, about people who think they know but they really don't, So if you want to know THIS whole story, here it is. Go ahead and judge, but I want you to know all of the facts about what is going on. 

When I was younger I was diagnosed at Primary Children's Medical Hospital with Vasovagal Syncope. A vasovagal attack is an unwell feeling mediated by the Vagus Nerve, when that leads to syncope(fainting) it is called Vasovagal Syncope. 

Up until this past year I had, give or take, one or two attacks a year. It was never an issue and I could live with it. The problem with Vasovagal Syncope is there is nothing that can fix it, and there are many triggers to when I can have an attack. 

My Vasovagal attacks are caused by: 

• pain 
• unpleasant feelings(like hitting my funny bone too hard) 
• High pressure on or around the chest area after exercise
• Severe Menstrual Cramps
• Lack of sleep
• And just Random onsets. 
• dehydration

These are what cause my attacks, there are many people with this problem and there are many many more causes as to why those people have attacks. 

Some people can catch the attacks and lay down and put their feet up before they faint. I haven't been able to catch my attacks. I know when they are coming on, I get hot, I turn white, then I hit the ground. Once I start getting Hot is when I will freeze up, I'm not able to move, I can't talk, I can't let anyone know that I'm going to faint. The most that they know is that I look very very pale and they will have to help me lay on the ground with my feet in the air. Sometimes I don't get laid down fast enough and I will pass out laying on the ground.

 Once I wake up after I pass out, I get sick.  I will feel like i'm laying in a fire, running a fever, and I start puking, after I puke I will start freezing and shaking. Eventually I will be able to get into bed. When I get into bed I fall asleep if I can, if not I will shiver and feel sick until I get warmed up and my blood starts to pump normally again.  Once I wake up, or feel better I will feel like i'm starving(probably because of puking so much), so I get some food and some hydration then I will be fine and be able to go about my day at a slower pace. 

 I have done multiple tests, gone to multiple doctors. At one point, recently,  they didn't think it was Vasovagal Syncope at all, they thought I was having seizures or something much more serious. After CT scans, Xrays, MRI's, we did a Tilt-table test, and the doctor pretty much said what we have already heard, "You have Vasovagal Syncope, There is nothing that we can do about it. Drink more water. Eat more salt." blah blah blah. So we spent, and are still spending money on tests that didn't need to be done. 

A few months after my Vasovagal started acting up I ended up in the hospital with a horrible stabbing pain in my left and right flank area. I was sure that I was on my death bed, I had never been in so much pain. They took an Xray where they saw multiple Kidney stones. I had a small kidney stone on my left side of my body that was in the ureter heading out that they think was the cause of my Vasovagal acting up. On the right side of my body I had a small kidney stone at the top of my Kidney getting ready to come down the ureter and out, and another large kidney stone that was in the bottom of the Kidney that they said probably wouldn't come out. The doctor said he sees people with large kidney stones in the bottom of the kidney that never exits and never causes any problems or pain. 

Those small Kidneys passed with me passing out about 4 or 5 times and we went about our business living our every day life. Ryan went to work, Xander and I played lots and learned lots Then one day I passed out while talking to my mother. Luckily Ryan had just barely taken Xander off of my hands. On the way to the floor I hit my head on our desk, bounced off and hit my head on Xanders swing, back to the desk and down to the ground. Ryan got me in bed almost as soon as they got me to wake. I fell asleep almost instantly, and woke up a few hours later. I had a major headache and we are thinking a minor concussion because I don't remember it at all. That is when we started to realize that was something was wrong. A few weeks later I was passing out at least 2 times a day. I was in a lot of pain. That's when I passed two more kidney stones on the right side. 

We went to a doctor and he said that the big stone must be coming out. He didn't do an Xray and didn't test it, he sent me home with a prescription of Flomax and pain pills to see if the stone would pass through in a couple of days. A week later the stone had not passed, and I was still in pain and taking a pain pill ever 4 hours.

 I had to take the pain pills so often so that I didn't pass out, but couldn't drive or be alone with a baby with pain pills in my system so Ryan was forced to take FMLA(not paid) a lot more than we wanted. We went back to the doctor and he did an Xray. The stone had grown in size and he knew it wouldn't be able to come out on its own, but it was trying. Our doctor sent me to a Kidney Stone specialist who couldn't get us in his office for 6weeks. Our doctor pulled some strings and got an emergency appointment the next day. We went to the appointment, the kidney stone specialist pulled up the most recent Xray and decided we had no choice but to do a Lithroscopy procedure on my 6/5ml stone. We scheduled it for the next day, and the only day they could do within the month, which was December 7, 2012 at 7:00am. 

Lithroscopy Procedure is a procedure where they use ultrasound waves to bounce off water and hit the stone like a hammer. It is very painful so they put you under Anesthesia just like any other surgery. The full surgery lasted about 45 minutes and a few hours later I was doped up on pain killers and sent home. 

The rest of that day I had to drink lots of water, and strain my urine for the remaining of the stone. The first time I urinated there were little tiny hard sand like particles, not nearly as much as what needed to come out. It continued on a few more times until no stone pieces were coming out at all. I was still in a lot of pain, and It continued like this. I took my 5 days of Flomax to help the remaining kidney stone to come out and stayed on pain killers, but only when I absolutely HAD to have them. Ryan returned to work as often as he could while we waited. We called the doctor on the 13th but my doctor does surgerys on Thursdays and Fridays and we wouldn't be able to see him until the next week.

On the Sat. the 15th I had to drive Ryan to work that night after a family party, I was in pain, but I ignored it as much as I could. In the parking lot, I passed out. Ryan ran in and told the people that he worked with what had happened and that he couldn't come into work. He took me to the Logan hospital that night, where they took urine samples etc and re-hydrated me. They gave me pain pills and nausea pills through my IV and told me to call my doctor on Monday then sent me home. On Sunday I passed a larger piece of stone and felt a lot better but still had minor pain. 

Monday arrived and I was feeling better, we called the doctor to set up an appointment for Tuesday. That night I got the flu and Tuesday morning I knew I wasn't going to be able to make it to Logan with the flu. Ryan called them and rescheduled the appointment but found out my doctor would be doing surgery's. After a very heated conversation between my husband and the Nurse we figured we would just keep me on pain killers when I absolutely needed them, and call them on the 26th to get an emergency appointment. After Christmas, pain, puking and spending time with family and friends had past we called the doctors office to find out he would be out of town until January 7th. 

On the 26th we ended up having an emergency appointmen at our family doctor because we didn't know who else to call. I was in a lot of pain, out of pain killers, and feeling like I was on a death bed. 

Ryan had planned to go to work on the 28th until that morning when he woke up to get ready to leave he found out that I had woken up around 2am in pain, I went to the bathroom and passed out. When he had come up stairs I was trying to relax in the bath tub and I started to throw up uncontrollably. We had to get a different type of Pain killer because the pain killer I was prescribed didn't have any strength to it because the Pharmacy didn't have what was on the prescription so they gave me a brand of pain pills we already knew didn't work. This Past weekend I spent doped up on pain pills, in fact I probably take them so much i'm classified as an addict now and will end up in rehab(haha). 

I'm trying to "ignore the pain" but if you have ever had a kidney stone you know just how impossible that is. I've had multiple people tell me that they would rather have birth naturally than have a kidney stone, however most of these people are men, but I fully agree. At least with birth you get something good out of it, with a kidney stone you just get a rock! (: On the 7th we will be back in to my doctor, whether I have to just show up and demand he sees me or not because this has been absolutely ridiculous! I will never see this doctor again, and I will NEVER recommend him to anyone EVER! He is a great doctor, but his office and appointment scheduling is ridiculous! Our appointment time was whenever we felt like showing up as long as we showed up between 10-12. 

This whole thing has been hard on us. We aren't out partying, we go out when we absolutely HAVE to. We have been to one movie, and that was on the 28th and I cried through the last half because I was in so much pain. I have some good days and bad days, and I make Ryan go to work as much as he possibly can. I try to watch my baby as much as I can and when we can we try to get a babysitter so that Ryan can work and I can stay home to take care of myself but with Ryan having to get so much non-paid leave and us not being able to afford a babysitter it makes it all pretty difficult. So go ahead and judge us, we are just doing the best we can with what we have. Feel free to give us suggestions if you have a problem with this. Just remember before you give suggestions, walk a mile in my shoes. You try to deal with pain, with passing out then you can tell me how to run my life. 

No pain, no gain. Right. 

 

Christmas

I was told a few days ago that I post too much stuff about my son on facebook. I ignored the comment that was said and went home that night thinking about it. Xander is my son, he is a part of me. He has spent his whole life with me, literally. X is rarely without me, I'm a stay at home mom. He doesn't spend every day at a babysitter or somebody else's house, in fact, the only time he goes to anyone's houses it's because they've begged to watch him. He was inside of me for 8months. He depends on me to keep him safe, to protect him, and to brag about him. He has become easily the biggest part of my life, and because of that I'm going to post about him on facebook, on my blog, I'm going to text about him and talk about him nonstop and if you don't want to hear about my baby then you can delete me off facebook and stop talking to me all together because my baby is more important to me then you are. 

On a happier note, my baby turned 9months on Christmas Eve. (: We had his well-check today(on accident, It was supposed to be on friday but I had to see the doctor today so we just went in today and got everything done.) 

Xander 

23lbs 4oz, 80 percentile 

29.25in long, 75 percentile

all around he is in the 90 percentile

I've been trying to teach Xander about Christmas and reading lots of Christmas stories to him. Christmas Eve we went to the annual Morriss family Christmas Party where we all had dinner and got our Christmas PJ's and presents. Christmas morning we slept in, then Xander woke up to open his presents. He learned quickly how to rip off the wrapping paper and enjoy the new toys underneath it. The train that Santa brought X has turned into a walker and he uses it to walk all through the house. Yep, that's right, my son never crawled and now he walks with help of a walker! (: After we opened the Christmas presents at home we went to Ryan's parents where they completely spoiled all of us! We got lots of presents. Xander got a Battery powered Lightning Mcqueen car that he drives straight, I'd say around but he hasn't figured out how to turn it yet. (: We hope all of you had an amazing Christmas season! 

Today I was a bad mom.

Maternal Instinct

"Psychologist Abraham Maslow argued that humans no longer have instincts because we have the ability to override them in certain situations. He felt that what is called instinct is often imprecisely defined, and really amounts to strong drives. For Maslow, an instinct is something which cannot be overridden, and therefore while the term may have applied to humans in the past, it no longer does."- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Instinct

Before I became pregnant with X I had thought that 'maternal instinct' was a joke. I googled Maternal instinct and I couldn't find a definition for it, so I thought I would read up on it. Above, is what I found about humans. I found a lot on animals. Such as Sea Turtles, how when they are hatched they will automatically return to an ocean. 

My maternal instincts took over when I was pregnant with X but I haven't thought about it until today. While I was pregnant I had a "strong" feeling I was going to have a boy and guess what? I did. Ever since X was born I could tell the difference in his cries. I knew when he was hurting, when he was hungry, when he was tired, when he just wanted to be played with. I knew when something was wrong. I could tell the difference in his actions whether something was hurting him, or he was getting tired, or annoyed. I could tell when he didn't want to be around certain people, and when he wanted someone, even before he could let me know. 

Today, however, has been a bad day for my maternal instincts. 

Today while X cried, I knew he wasn't feeling good. I knew his belly ached and he didn't want to eat, but I made him a bottle and tried to feed him, ignoring my instincts. As he turned his head and arched his back to get away I thought, why didn't I listen to my instincts? 

I picked him up and calmed him down, I took him into the bathroom where his dad was showering, I got him undressed and handed him to his dad to see if the warm water would help, and he started to scream. My husband turned off the shower, filled the bath with water and let X play in the tub. It calmed him down and he seemed happier but he still didn't seem like himself. After a few minutes of playing and a few smiles we went to wash his hair  when he threw up. I got him out of the tub pretty quickly and got him cleaned off. As I was getting him dressed I knew he was tired, so I said the one word my baby HATES, "moo." He usually wont do anything unless he is tired, if he is tired he pouts, then sometimes if he is really tired he will cry. My mistake was knowing that he wasn't feeling good and that he was tired and I still did it.

 I.said.moo. 

He pouted, he cried, and then he screamed! 

After a few minutes of talking to him and getting him to calm down I decided that I really should start listening to my instincts more often. Especially since every time he looked at me for about an hour after that he would pout and then start to cry. 

Today I was a bad mom. I feel badly about what I did to my son today. I promise I will be better. 

I do 'moo' on occasion just to see this.

 Look at how cute he is! Even when he pouts! 

Late night mind.

My mind+ 11p+ working husband= an extremely long and boring post about my thoughts. 

• It's crazy how becoming a mom can change the way you look at people, life, and religion.

• after I gave birth I became less aware of my body and have gained more weight now then I did when I was pregnant. Which is why I'm starting my new exercise program tomorrow!! 

• Everytime Ryan works night shift I cry. Being home alone with my son at night  makes me think about every thing that could possibly go wrong. (robbery, murder, rape, fire, floods, tornado, hurricane, choking to death, deadly illnesses, ect.-yep my mind even goes to the impossible.)

• Because of Ryan working night shifts, it makes me appreciate and love him even more. 

• We will be in Texas next week at this time and I'm sooo excited!! 

• I would really like to go get my cosmetology degree and have a part time job but I dont know where/how to start! 

• Pinterest is becoming a bad habit at 1am 

• My cat is evil. I forgot why I hated cats, now I remember! This kitten won't stopB biting or clawing my son, I'm at a loss of what to do with it! 

• The doctors may have finally figured out why I've had horrible migraines! I'm excited to be back to my happy healthy self and be a better mother to my boy! 

• My sleeping habits are out of whack! I slept for 36hours after an ER trip the other day, ever since then I've been completely exhausted! Hopefully this goes back to normal along with everything else! 

• I have an amazing husband who has stood by my side through everything! I am so lucky to have him in my life. Im not sure how I got so lucky with all of the wrong decisions that I have made. 

• The Drama some people cause is out-of-control. Talking bad about a person 4 years later is really just getting pathetic. Get over it, the rest of us did! -right after it happened. 

• My husband work schedule is completely ridiculous! I miss him. I know, i know, it could be worse, but 12 hour shifts suck!! 

Hope you enjoyed ;) 
A

A Lil' bit about a lil' boy.

A lil' bit about a lil' boy.

March 24, 2012 this handsome boy was born at 5:17p. 

He sleeps on his tummy and likes the blanket over his head. 

He gets way excited when he sees his daddy. 

He loves water. 

He refuses to crawl. 

He will roll to places he needs to go. 

His favorite position is to stand, he has been doing it since birth. 

He loves being outside. 

He is almost always happy.

He loves being around people. 

If you touch his legs anywhere above the knee he laughs. 

His back is the most ticklish spot on his body.

He can find his toes as long as they're not covered. 

When you say 'bless you' after he sneezes he laughs. 

When he knows he is in trouble he wont look at you. 

He cries when you say "moo" or if you growl at him. 

He has the most pathetic cry ever, it is more like a whimper. 

He loves his cat and his dogs. 

He hates all food except for fruit. 

He LOVES lemons. 

He loves cartoons, especially The Lorax. 

He is the BEST sleeper. 

He refuses to hold still during a diaper change. 

He LOVES music.

We get told he looks like me, 

And he acts a lot like me too. 

He loves his sunglasses. 

He has the cutest pout. 

And he is a momma's boy!