I don't like conflict, I never have. That is why I learned to keep my mouth shut a very long time ago. That is why i'm a "quiet" person. TODAY, that changes. Welcome to the new blog, where my opinions, feelings, and heart will be left in writing. 

NONE of your **** business.

Ryan has dated a few crazies in his past. I don't know what it is about Ryan, but I feel like every girl he has dated has turned into the definition of "crazy ex-girlfriend" Keep in mind that Ryan and I have been married for 3 years this July. One of his Ex girlfriends in particular will now be getting a blog post JUST FOR HER! Just because I have heard so much sh** coming out of her mouth lately and It has pushed me too far. 

This girl works with Ryan's mother so we get to hear ALL of the lovely things she says, so here we go. 

She tells everyone that she dated Ryan for two years! Normally that would be okay, except for they have only been on ONE date. Ask her what two years, I bet you money it will be from July 2007-July 2009. The two years Ryan was serving a mission in BRAZIL!  

This girl rolls her eyes and says a lovely comment like, "kill me now" or "eww gross" every time we see her. 

She drives by our house three or four times daily, which wouldn't bug me because it IS a small town, she MIGHT live in the apartments down the road from us, BUT when she drives by she stares. Not a quick glance but a full on stare. At the car, the windows, the door, the cracks in the sidewalk, the leaves on the trees, each piece of grass, each hole in my fence, she stares at! 

She was engaged to Ryan. SHE called it off though, so of course Ryan is heart broken over it.

I've heard that she has tried to start a few rumors like: 

Ryan is miserable in our marriage. 

He wont divorce me because he "feels bad" for me. 

Ryan never wants to be around me and tries to get away from me all the time, that is why he works 12 hour shifts. 

So HERE is your reality check hunny. And anyone else who doubts. 

Ryan works 12 hour shifts because that is HIS job and most of the people he works with jobs'. He doesn't have a choice what hours he works. They go in at 7am and they come home at 7pm or 7pm to 7am. Sorry, that's just the way it works.

Ryan spends his days off with ME, not because I force him to but because he WANTS to. I have tried, many times, to get Ryan to go hang out with someone besides his boring old wife, and guess what? He chooses me every time. 

Our marriage is far from dead or miserable. We are going on our three year mark and we still have sex at LEAST once a day (it is the best and funnest form of exercise after all)

He still kisses me each morning and night and a hundred times a day in between. 

We still laugh, and tease, and enjoy each other. 

We work out together, we play together, we cook together, we clean together, we eat together, we sleep together, we shop together, we shower together, we pray together. Are you starting to see my point? We are together all the time, because we love each other. Because we want to be together and we enjoy being together. NOT because we have a marriage license that is "forcing" us to be together, not because Ryan feels bad for me. 

We want to be together and that is why we got married and are still married. We want to be together and that is why we started a family and will keep growing our family.(NO NO NO that is not an announcement! but yes, in the FUTURE, we do plan on having another kid.) 

We want to be together and that is why you will never see one of us without the other. 

But BELIEVE me IF our fireworks are ever doused and our happily ever after does end in divorce. I will let you have him, if he wants you. HAHA! I wouldn't keep your hopes up though.

For the LOVE of obsession.

I've been feeling really obsessive lately. O'er everything! So here are some of my obsessions. 

My baby boy. It amazes me how fast he is learning, I can't get enough of him! He is so funny!  

MONSTER energy drinks. I haven't had one for three days. I'm getting the shakes, and having dreams about them. 

Being outside. Yesterday, it snowed. I cried for two hours. I WANT SUMMER! 

Music. I have Spotify, not Pandora. Why? because I have a horrible obsession with listening to a certain song that I heard 5 years ago over and over and over again and then listening to that new song I heard on the radio! Spotify is the only way I can afford that!
  
The Voice. I have watched The Voice for the last three seasons, and it probably has something to do with my obsession over music.

Bareminerals foundation. I used to have horrible skin, now I feel good about my face even going without make-up! I'm IN LOVE! 

Our Yard. Last year I didn't work in my yard. I never wanted to take my tiny baby out. This year Xander is at the age where I don't have to carry him around and he can run free in the yard while I get some yard work done! 

Driving with the windows down. I've always liked it but now Xander LOVES it so I get to enjoy it with my favorite little boy who SCREAMS when they're not rolled down! 

Instagram. I love taking photos of my little boy and I want to remember every detail about him and photos are the best reminders of the little things. plus it makes it so much easier to have it on my phone and not have to carry around my big camera (: 

Chapstick. green apple! I'm IN LOVE! oh.my.gosh. My lips smell so yummy! and feel great too. 

Ellen. I've youtubed each episode. Watched EVERY clip, and laughed until I cried! I AM obsessed! She is HILARIOUS! 

My husband. duh. How could I not be obsessed? HE IS PERFECT! 

one year old STATS!

My baby just turned ONE on the 24th of March. He's not exactly my small little boy anymore, he's pretty big! We are not sure where he got it from, but he's growing so fast! 

Weight 24lbs 10oz ~ 75th percentile

Height 32 Inches ~ 97th percentile

Head 50.8cm ~ above the 100th percentile.

Xander has been such an amazing blessing to our life! He is so much fun and such a good baby.  

Xander says a handful of words. Dadda, Moooomm, Duck, Bath, and tickle. He says tickle a lot lately, it's so cute and I wish I could get it on Video because he says it so so fast that you almost can't hear it unless you know that's what he is saying. 

Xander wont walk by himself, but he'll walk if you hold his hand, yes, just one hand. If you are holding on to his hand he walks like a champ. He will stand up by himself without help from anything. He will cruise around our furniture so fast that it scares me but when you try to get him to walk all by himself he freaks out and sits as fast as he can. 

Xander LOVES water. He love's taking baths. He has now figured out that the toilet seat goes up and water is in it, safe to say our bathroom door is ALWAYS shut now! 

Xander has never had a binkie. Not even when he was a baby. I have heard and seen horrendous moments of kids and binkies so we never let him have one. A few weeks ago however I happened to find one that we received from the hospital and I handed it to him to see what he would do with it, he put it in his mouth bit it as hard as he could spit it out and went on to play with other toys. 

He is the best eater! He will eat almost EVERYTHING we have given him! I say almost because a couple weeks ago I cut up a hot dog and gave it to him, he took one bite of it spit it out and wouldn't touch it again. I tried to give it to him again the other night and he wouldn't have anything to do with it! 

Xander would be outside 24/7 if I would let him. I'm not even kidding. He loves dirt, and the feel of grass between his toes. He loves the swing, the trees, and he loves smelling flowers. We try to go on walks and bike rides every day because he laughs and claps the whole ride. 

Xander is an amazing sleeper. He will be in bed at 8:30 pm almost every night and he wakes up at 7 am every morning. He is then back in bed at 8 am and wakes up after 10 am. He goes down for an afternoon nap at 1 pm and wakes up at 2 pm then will take a 15 min power nap at 6:30. We have noticed that he wont sleep well unless he is in his own bed. He wont sleep in mom and dads bed no matter how hard we try. At grandma's he will now(after a year of trying) sleep but it has to be on "HIS" blanket on the dog bed. 

He climbs up and down our stairs like a champ! It took us a few weeks of trying to get him to TRY taking the stairs but now he is amazing at them! 

Xander doesn't watch TV  He will watch a movie if both Ryan and I are watching one but that's it. We also don't have TV, we have my parents' Netflix account and we have tried to get him to watch so many cartoons but he just wont do it. 

He LOVES LOVES LOVES people. Especially kids around his age. He will laugh and smile at almost anyone. I have only met a couple of people who he wants absolutely NOTHING to do with.

Xander loves music. He is always "singing" and dancing. He loves to bang on pots and pans, lids and random furniture with my make-up brushes. (future drummer? hope so!) We are not "allowed" to drive in the car without music on, he will do a high pitch squeal if it's not on, or if it is too quiet. 

Xander is really independent. It scares me actually. He can't fall asleep if someone else is in the room. He has to feed himself. He gets frustrated if you try to help him with a toy. He wont let you read him a book, he has to "read" it himself ect. I'm hoping that it's just a phase but I doubt it...it's just who he is! 

Xander loves to open drawers and pull everything out of them, but when I LOVE most is that he will put it back if you ask! He is such a good listener  If you say NO he immediately stops. If you say come here, he comes. If you tell him, "bath time" he heads straight to the bathroom. Pat-a-cake or yayy and he will clap his hands. Say "get down" and he immediately sits. I love how well he listens and I hope it stays this way forever! 

I'm not going to lie, every day is not a picnic here. We have had some rough moments. Xander doesn't get sick often but he has been sick two or three times that has made any normal kids ornery day look like a walk in the park. We got lucky with X and we know it. We are so thankful for our son every single day, good and bad. He is the light of my life and the best part of my day! I couldn't even imagine life without him! 

A very random catching-up post!

**This will probably be the worst post you will ever read from me! so feel free to skip ahead to the pictures of my cute little stink bug!**

So we have been having a crazy time trying to figure out what is going on with me. Last week I ended up in the Preston Hospital, puking and white as a ghost with a lot of pain in my left kidney. I knew it was another kidney stone, I've had them before so I was really just going to the hospital for some pain relief and fluids because I felt horribly dehydrated from puking so much and I was to the point where nothing but green gunk was coming out! After sitting in the hospital for two hours, the doctor came in and got tests ordered, two hours later he came back and said, "There is nothing wrong with you. You shouldn't be in pain, just go home you are fine." The next day, guess what happened! I passed THREE kidney stones, all good size! The next day I passed more! I have never in my life been so irritated!! This was also the guy that told me that there was nothing wrong with my appendix...yep, there was and after he took my appendix out I said I would never go to him again! Which is why I hate Preston hospitals new rule of not being able to tell you which doctor is on call! I know it's for safety reasons, but still! That was a waste of day!  

Trying to get everything figured out has been, honestly, really upsetting. The doctors also know that I have a stomach inflammation, but they don't know why. So really i'm just kind of a ticking time bomb, waiting for more bad news. 

On the other hand...I've been told a few times that Ryan and I have the perfect relationship/marriage. I was told just a few days ago that we have a very strong marriage. I do believe we have a strong marriage and that it's going to last for eternity, but I also don't think people realize that Ryan and I do have our rough days. 

 Ryan makes every day worth living for, and he makes me so happy, but he can also completely ruin a day. You see, we might have a strong marriage but that doesn't mean we NEVER fight, or argue. In fact, we argue about some outrageous thing! We have only been in one BIG fight. That just so happened to happen last week! It was the first fight that scared me to think Ryan was going to hate me, but even when I thought he was going to hate me I didn't think that we were going to get a divorce. I've never thought about leaving Ryan or Ryan leaving me. Yes, I've wanted to kill him multiple times, but leaving him would be absolutely CRAZY and I'm talking gone off the deep end, end up in a mental hospital, CRAZY! I tried to not talk to Ryan once, guess how long it lasted... not even 15 minutes... yep, not even 15 minutes before I broke down and ended up running into his arms and telling him I was sorry and that I loved him! Now could you imagine me LEAVING HIM!? ha. 

Ryan keeps me in line, and sometimes lets me get a little out-of-line. He knows everything and more about me! Seriously, ask him what day my period starts, he will tell you. Ask him what day I ovulate, he will tell you. Ask him anything completely odd and I could bet you money he'd have the answer. Ryan has seen me at my complete worst, he has seen me at my best and he still loves everything about me(or at least that's what he says ;) haha)  So yes, I believe we do have a strong marriage. I believe that we will be one of the very very few couples who last a lifetime. I know that we haven't been married all that long, but I'm in love with him more today than I was on the day that I said, "I do" and I think that means a lot, especially with all of the trial we have gone through already. So to anyone who looks up to our marriage, I say Thank You. I'm glad that you see our marriage as "perfect," it is definitely far from that, but it is perfect to us and that's all that counts. I look forward to the many many more trials we get put through, as long as we are together we can survive anything.  

I would also just like to point out that last year, at this time, this is what I looked like. I was fat, and huge, and ornery all the time. I had a baby boy who was trying to make his way out into the world WAY TOO EARLY, and had to get a shot to stop the labor almost on a daily bases! Xander was "due" in April on the 23rd! He ended up coming on March 24th! He is SO CLOSE TO BEING ONE!! ahhh, scary. 

Thursday we ended up going down to McKay Dee Hospital in Ogden where Xander decided looking out the window was his favorite thing to do! He waved to all the people and screamed at the cars! 

So this isn't one of the best pictures, but it's probably one of the cutest upset faces I've seen him do in a long time! He had just been told "NO" for trying to grab dads glasses and he looked at me like this! haha

 I don't do Xander's hair very often, because most of the time it sticks straight up on it's own. This day however I had decided to put some gel in it so it would stay that way and we ended up getting SO MANY COMPLIMENTS on his hair! 

 And just because he is always so so happy in the bathtub I had to post a picture! He is always happy but he never holds still long enough for me to get a picture! It only took ten tries to get this picture!! 

Xander

Xander(Zan-Der) was born 11 Months ago today. 6lbs 5oz 21&1/2inches long. One month early and strong as could be! At this time 11 Months ago I was being wheeled into the hospital nursery to see my baby boy, for the first time while he was in the incubator. I can't believe how much love I have for such a little person that I have only known for 11 amazing, rough, fun, long yet short months! Since my little boy is 11 months old today I thought I would do a post about him! 

• He loves MY singing.(crazy) He will stop doing whatever he is doing when I start singing and he will dance, just for me. 
• His first word was Daadaa, then Bahhht(bath), and Duhhht(duck)
• If we leave the bathroom door open, that is where we will find him. He will either be playing on the floor with his out-of-control duck collection or he will climb into the bath and yell 'bahhht, bahhht, bahhht'. 
• He loves Ryan's bearded dragon, Rex. Throughout the day, Xander will crawl into the front room, from whichever room he is playing in, tap Rex's glass and stare at him for a few minutes then go back to whichever room he was in and resume playing. 
• He LOVES music. When we are in the car and music isn't playing he will do a high pitched scream until we turn on the music. When we are at home and the stereo is on he will turn up the volume and stand up and dance. If a song he doesn't like comes on he will hit all of the buttons until he changes the song. 
• He will watch any cartoon you put on, for hours. I never wanted to be one of those moms who lets TV babysit, but when I'm sick, My life saver is putting on The Lorax and sitting on the couch and watching it with him. 
• He sleeps in the most outrageous positions  They never look comfortable. 
• He also can't sleep under a blanket, he has to sleep on top of it and on his stomach. Most of the time his butt is in the air. 
• When we go outside and it's cold he will say "burr, burr, burr" until we get him into the car, or building. 
• He has THE WORST gag reflex. If you put something in his mouth that he doesn't like he will gag until he throws up so we have to be EXTRA careful about what we give him when we go out to eat! 
• He can not sit in a grocery store cart normally...EVER! He always pulls one leg up out and turns facing forward while his other leg and butt hangs out of that leg hole! 
• He loves walking, even though he cant walk on his own just yet. If he can hold our hands he will walk everywhere. 
• When he is excited about something he shakes his legs! 
• He has only been sick twice. Once on his first trip to Texas :( and once with an ear infection. 
• His bed time is at 8p and he has been sleeping from 8p and waking up at 7a-9a every night since he was born! The first month he was home we would have to wake up to an alarm during the night to feed him. 
• He loves fruits and vegetables! He especially loves lemons! 
• He is so so talkative! He loves to talk, and if you're not listening to him he will grab your cheeks and force you to stare at him while he is talking.
• He learned how to climb out of his crib. Scariest moment in my life when I walked into his room to see his leg and half his body heading over the edge of his crib! 

We get asked, HOW we get him to behave so well! It scares me that people think we "train him" (for lack of better word) . We don't punish him, we don't yell or put him on time out. He is -on his own-a well behaved, good listening, happy baby. 

Xander has been such an amazing blessing to our family and so much fun to watch how fast he learns and grows! Next month he will be 1! We are so so excited to celebrate his first birthday with him! 

I am blessed.

Being so sick and down in the dumps has made me feel 

incredibly lucky and blessed. 

I'm blessed by the men in my life. 

I've watched more-than-a-few girls go through bad relationships

with men- I've been one of those girls, believe me. 

I could probably top a few lists with the jerks I've dated. 

But, I have always had 

these guys(not pictured- Grandpa Gene(RIP), Grandpa Owen, my Uncles, and my brothers.)---->

<---To keep me in line. 

That might sound a little funny to you. 

Some of you might be thinking, 

they're the strict men who sit out on the front porch 

with a shotgun ready to kill any jerk who hurt me, 

but Guess what- they're not. 

I mean, I'm sure they would be if they 

had even met half of the guys I dated, but they didn't. 

No, these guys kept me in line by being amazing men that I look up to. 

That I respect, and that I love. 

I wanted to make them proud

 and find a man just as amazing as them. 

 Then have a son to raise to be like them.

Because of that, these men,

 are the reason most of my relationships ended in failure. 

These men, are the reason half of the guys I dated didn't make it past two dates. 

Every time that I went on a date, at the end of it I would ask myself, "would I be okay with my dad or my grandfathers meeting him?" 

If it was a no, there wasn't another date. 

If it was a maybe, there would probably be a second date, but wouldn't go past that. 

If it was a yes, then it would last for awhile....and then end in a complete mess. 

Except for one particular man, 

This guy!---->

As most all of you know I met Ryan when I was 15,

11 months before he left on a Mission to Brazil for our church. 

We dated, we got to know each other, we fell in love. 

Then he broke up with me, he told me to 'date other guys' and 'enjoy high school'. 

LET ME TELL YOU- I was PISSED at him. 

I never cried, however. I was upset, I wanted my life to end 

just like any normal break-up would be but the tears would 

never come. 

Now I think it was because I knew deep down we were going 

to end up together.

 I knew he was the man for me, 

and I knew I wanted to be the woman for him.

Two and a half years later we were dating again. (yep, we didn't get back together 

the second he came home- I had to play hard to get at some point ;) )   

 7 months later we were married. 

A year (and a month) later we got this--->

  8months, of this crap, later--->

we met this cute little boy --->

Now, it has been 10 months and almost 5 days of having a rapid growing baby. 

And the little guy, who we fell so madly in love with, now looks like this--->

Scary, right. 

My baby boy has been one of the most amazing adventures

I have ever been blessed with. 

Before I gave birth to Xander, I knew just how many kids I was 

going to have. I knew there names- Xander, Ryley, Ryker, Oaklee, and 

that I would have boy, girl, boy, girl. 

I knew I wouldn't have a baby until 5 years after Ryan and I got married. 

Little did we know that there was a different plans for us. 

Now, I am blessed to know that plans don't always happen the way you expect. 

That four kids might not work out, but one healthy boy is an amazing blessing. 

I know that after all of the hard times, 

the illnesses, the 'down' days, the exciting days, 

the completely perfect days, the fun days,

the unbelievably horrible days, that I am blessed.

I am blessed to be alive. 

To be as healthy as I am- I know I could have it so much worse.

I am blessed to have amazing men in my life. 

To be able to get the chance to raise a son. 

To have a great family who will always have each others backs. 

To be so close to everyone in my family, and my husbands family. 

To be married into a loving and amazing family.

I am blessed to get to spend every day at home taking care of 

these two guys ---> 

. 

So, to the men in my life, thank you. 

Thank you for allowing me to be blessed, 

to be loved, and to be happy. 

Thank you for helping me see who was right, 

and who was not-so-right. 

Thank you for always having my back. 

Thank you for taking care of the women in your lives, 

for loving them in just-the-perfect ways to show me 

what LOVE is all about. 

Thank you for teaching me and helping me grow. 

Thank you for being incredible examples of what 

I want my son to be like.

Thank you for being the men in my life. 

I cannot begin to tell you all how much I love 

each and every one of you.